In all my adventures and miss happenings THE ABSOLUTE WEIRDEST THING happened to me last night where I may or may not have almost gotten robbed (not that I ever have anything worth taking), I may or may not have gotten laid OR I may or may not have almost been falsely accused of rape. Here’s what happened.
I was walking to rehearsal in perhaps the most hood part of Curepe when a voice called out “Excuse me”. I looked to the direction of the voice and saw this bess Indian with a pretty smile and body, shape and face for days wearing a form fitting jump suit and a neckline as low as sin. Boobs galore I tell you. BOOBS GALORE!!!! A True Helen of Troy. She couldn’t possibly be talking to me… could she? I don’t know her although I wish I did. I kept on walking.
She called again. I stopped and asked a bit tentatively… “umm… are you talking to me?” She said yes. So I went back and listened to what she had to say while internally chanting “Triston her eyes are up here”.
HER: Can you take a picture of me?
That’s a random request right? Who comes out of their own house, stops a random stranger and asks them to take a picture of them?
Confused by her request I stopped mentally chanting, got distracted by her boobs and asked quite possibly with slurred speech “With your phone or mine?” She said hers… (Duh Triston! Stupid move! Stupid move) but added that she wanted to put on her shoes 1st (clearly I did not notice cause my eyes never got past those double D’s) so she invited me into her house….. SHE INVITED ME INTO HER HOUSE… ME… RANDOM STRANGER…. WHO DOES THAT??? I was beginning to feel the hetero beast awakening… but I had rehearsals to get to.
HER: You could come inside?
She asked me if I could c*m inside! SHE HADDA BE DOING THIS FOR SPITE!!!!
ME: *Sigh* Nah I can’t do that. I’ll wait out here.
She went inside and I instantly began rethinking my decision :/. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. Are rehearsals even important at this time? We were put her to be fruitful and multiply… the lord never said anything about rehearsals. At the same time, I don’t know this woman. Who invites a random stranger into their house… in the hood? More specifically, what WOMAN invites a random MAN into their house… in the hood? Now while I do not subscribe to the belief that men are inherently dangerous toward women; If I didn’t start to feel like I was being baited for some sort of ambush inside, were I a lesser man I’d say she looking for trouble. I became comfortable in my decision to stay outside.
After a while she came out in these high heels, gave me her phone and I was set to take the pics and buss out (I was starting to think about rehearsal again). Instead of taking it in front of her own house she went across the street so when I am taking the pics my back will be facing her house. I also noticed that she left her gate open. HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS!! I took two pics anyway making sure that the gate was in my peripheral vision.
You’d think that’d be the end of that… but no… she turned around and said she wanted it from the back.
SHE SAID SHE WANTED IT FROM THA BACK!!!!! WHAT THA FCUK IS HAPPENING!?!?!
Maybe there is no ambush waiting inside. Maybe she is dropping hints. If she is, she’s laying it on thick. but still this is highly suspicious right? The beast who is now awake is slapping me in the face saying “Go inside bitch!” Did I mention she was making small talk? Asking me things like where I off to, If I does pass through here often and OMG she just flung her hair over her shoulder and looking back at me biting the tip of her index finger. Yuh know… it might have better lighting on the inside in chru 3:) WA SHE DOING MEH?!?!
This is still a highly suspicious circumstance… but a very hott suspicious circumstance. My brain became confused! It didn’t know if to pump blood to the shaft or to the rest of my body for a fight or flight response, so my brain decided to do both.. but accomplished neither of them effectively. It was total system failure going on with me. I swear I was having a meltdown. Then… reality hit me. I have rehearsal for a show opening in two weeks. I’d prefer to not die before the run is complete cause lets face it, if there is an ambush waiting for me on the inside…. to be successful in taking whatever they interested in taking they gonna hafta kill me. Heck I jumped from a speeding vehicle on the highway the last time. They not gonna get any thing that easy…. With much internal deliberation, I eventually returned her phone and left.
As I walked away a thought hit me… What if there was no ambush waiting? What if I did go inside and just took photos and next thing I hear is that I am wanted for sexual assault or some other offence? Who would believe that this random woman invited me into her home to take pictures of her? But at the same time.. what if she was flirting hard and this was an opportunity to release sexual tension? Arrrghhh! I still nuh sure.